Hate the Action, Not the Person

October 28, 2026

Hi everyone, Afrin here!

I've wanted to write this blog for so long, but I could never find the right time or the right mood to put my thoughts into words. But today, 28-10-2026, feels different. Maybe it's the mood, maybe it's what happened today, or maybe it's just one of those moments when your mind finally finds something worth writing about.

Today went pretty well. We spent almost the entire day chatting as a group in the canteen. A little gossip, a little politics, discussions about society, and stories about our school lives and families. Just a bunch of people sharing their experiences and thoughts.

At some point, while talking about a fellow person, we happened to share a similar opinion about their actions. We felt that what they had done wasn't right. We shared our thoughts, and eventually, we moved on to another topic.

But somewhere in that moment, a thought crossed my mind.

Why do we end up hating a person for their actions?

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws, and everyone is better than someone else at something. We all have different ways of thinking, different backgrounds, and different reasons for doing what we do.

Yet, sometimes, all it takes is one action for us to start hating an entire person.

Maybe it's their appearance. Maybe it's the way they behave, the way they speak, or simply something they did that we couldn't accept. Whatever the reason, we often end up judging the whole person based on a part of who they are.

That's when a quote suddenly flashed through my mind, something I remember hearing from PC Doc Nandhakumar:

"Hate the action, not the person."

And honestly, it hit differently today.

Think about it. Someone does something wrong, and instead of questioning their actions, we start hating them. We label them, judge them, and sometimes refuse to see anything beyond that one mistake.

But what if we looked at it differently?

What if we could separate the person from the action?

A person can do something wrong without being entirely defined by that mistake. Understanding why someone did something doesn't necessarily mean justifying what they did. We can disagree with someone's actions, hold them accountable, and still recognise their humanity.

And I think this applies to more than just friendships or the people we dislike.

Even in love, relationships, and yes, one-sided love too. :)

Sometimes, we get so caught up in what someone did or how they treated us that our feelings towards them become nothing but resentment. We forget that understanding a situation and accepting someone's actions are two entirely different things.

I'm not saying I'm someone who has mastered this. Honestly, I'm not.

When I see someone doing something wrong, my first reaction can be to hate the person rather than understand what led them to act that way. I don't always stop to ask why they did it, what they were going through, or whether there's a better way to deal with the situation.

But today made me think.

W if, inhatstead of asking, "Why is this person like this?", we started asking, "How can this situation be made better?"

That one change in perspective could make a difference, couldn't it?

So, I've decided to make a small change in how I look at things from now on.

Whenever I see someone doing something wrong, I want to try to understand the situation and find a way to resolve it rather than immediately directing my hatred towards that person.

Of course, this doesn't mean accepting everything people do. Some actions are harmful, and some situations require boundaries and consequences. Forgiving someone isn't always necessary, and understanding someone doesn't mean letting them hurt us.

But maybe we can choose not to let hatred be our first response.

Maybe we can learn to correct without humiliating, disagree without despising, and hold people accountable without forgetting that they're human too.

I don't know how well I'll be able to follow this decision. I'll probably make mistakes along the way. But at least, from today, I'll try.

And maybe that's enough to begin with.

Hate the action, not the person.

That's it for today. Just a thought that crossed my mind on an ordinary day at the college canteen and turned into something worth writing about.

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